Excerpt from City Ashes

Just sharing some excerpts from one book I read recently. It's The Mortal Instruments Book 2: City of Ashes. I highly recommend this series as it beats the Twilight saga in a heartbeat hahaha!

City of Ashes; Chapter 12 - The Hostility of Dreams
"Sorry to startle you."
"It's fine." She bent to retrieve the blanket.
"Actually, I'm not sorry," he said. "That's the most emotion I've seen from you in days."
"I haven't seen you in days."
"And whose fault is that? I've called you. You don't pick up the phone. And it's not as if I could simply come see you. I've been in prison, in case you've forgotten."
Clary sighed. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving with Magnus?"
His mouth twisted and she saw something fracture behind his eyes, a starburst of pain. "Can't wait to get rid of me?"
"No." She hugged the blanket against herself and stared down at his hands, unable to meet his eyes. His slender fingers were scarred and beautiful, with the faint white band of paler skin still visible where he had worn the Morgenstern ring on his right index finger. The yearning to touch him was so bad she wanted to let go of the blankets and scream. "I mean, no, it's not that. I don't hate you, Jace."
"I don't hate you, either."
She looked up at him, relieved. "I'm glad to hear that—"

"I wish I could hate you," he said. His voice was light, his mouth curved in an unconcerned half smile, his eyes sick with misery. "I want to hate you. I try to hate you. It would be so much easier if I did hate you. Sometimes I think I do hate you and then I see you and I—"

Her hands had grown numb with their grip on the blanket. "And you what?"
"What do you think?" Jace shook his head. "Why should I tell you everything about how I feel when you never tell me anything? It's like banging my head on a wall, except at least if I were banging my head on a wall, I'd be able to make myself stop."
Clary's lips were trembling so violently that she found it hard to speak. "Do you think it's easy for me?" she demanded. "Do you think—"
...
"Damn it." She turned on Jace. "What is it about you?" she said, with more savagery than she'd intended. "Why do you have to ruin everything?"


kinda relevant to me for the last few months ;p

you haunt me like a ghost from the past
wondering why it could never last
pain so deep, not just my heart but my soul
no explanations needed, that's what you told

i wanted to be part of your future
your dreams, your fate
not just any distant memory
but rather, a soul mate

you'll never be gone, from my heart, my thoughts
no time will be enough for moving on
life goes on, you say, i'm hurt
but only to you, my heart belongs

:((

...before the long weekend :)

Babe, tomorrow's so far away
There's something I just have to say
I don't think I can hide what I'm feelin' inside
Another day, knowin' I love you
And I, I'm getting too close again
I don't want to see it end
If I tell you tonight will you turn out the light
And walk away knowin' I love you?

And I feel like today's the day
Lookin' for the words to say
Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me
To feel this way
I don't wanna lose you
So, it may be too soon, I know
The feeling takes so long to grow
If I tell you today will you turn me away
And let me go?
I don't wanna lose you

You and I
I know that we can't wait
And I swear, I swear it's not a lie girl
Tomorrow may be too late
You, you and I girl
We can share a life together
It's now or never
And tomorrow may be too late

And, feelin' the way I do
I don't wanna wait my whole life through
To say I'm in love with you

Hulaan nyo na lng kung san galing hehehe.

Shrugs!

Every day a man wakes up
And every day an man pauses and pours himself a cup of coffee
And take a long hard look at the mirror

Sometimes what he looks at, he doesn't like it
Sometimes what he sees, it makes him angry
Sometimes what he sees makes him sad

Sometimes what he sees is himself
And that disappointment just ticks at you
And just rips at you little by little, piece by piece

And sometimes you can just lay down
You can just play the game
You can just take the cards that they deal you

You can just pretend it's all over
But not me!

The Hunger Games

I dropped by National Bookstore last night. I was hoping to grab myself a copy of book two of Melissa Dela Cruz's Blue Blood series: Masquerade.

Alas! It was out of stock! Sux!! Only 2 weeks ago, there were quite a few remaining. I asked customer service when they would restock but said there was no definite schedule.

Disappointed, I just browsed thru the other books there and found some interesting ones:
Ghosthuntress, Evermore, Blue Moon, Diary of a wimpy kid (was thinking of buying this), Wicked Lovely, Pendragon Series, Dan Brown books and lots more. Artemis Foul also looks promising but the other books of the series weren't available so it be just disappointing to have one book.

Then, there were lots of Michael Jackson memorabilia books which to me was just plain lame. Banking on a dead man . lolx.

Sigh! If only I could buy all of them, :D (except Jacko's lol)
Oh well, I'd just have to start reading the Hunger Games book I bought a few weeks back, now that I have regained my interest in reading once more. I want to distract myself from....*sighs*

oh, btw, there was a concious effort on my part not to take notice of the Twilight Saga merchandise-A guide to the new moon movie? huwat!?. Geez! These people just keep coming up with almost useless materials hehehe

Crazy as it sounds....I need you around :)

Got nothing to do last night so I decided to dig on some of my old stuff: 'zines, books, song books (more commonly known as 'song hits').

Gosh I can't remember the last time I saw a song hits mag. Anyway, browsing through a Rock 'N Rythm, I saw a nice song long forgotten. Probably because, the artists never really hit it off big time. Figured, I'd 'rewrite' the text a little :D

I Need You Around
(Smoking Popes)

if i cud c in2 ur heart
den wud i know just wer 2 start?
coz, im lost nd i nid 2 b found
crazy as it sounds, i nid u around

if i cud stand 2 b on my own
den i wud prolly just leave u alone
bt, im gonna feel dis way til im 6 ft undr ground
crazy as it sounds, i nid u around

turning, tossing nd turning
my luv is bringing me down

if i cud change 1 thing in dis world
id change ur mind nd make u my gurl
coz, im lost nd i nid 2 b found
crazy as it sounds, i nid u around.

Here's a link to the song: I need you around
lol! the vocals sound like Morrissey. =)

Damn pickup lines!!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: DO NOT ENTER.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. (rofl)

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put F and U together

Keeping Sane

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Never known

You'll Never Know
I see the way he treats you
But you won't let go
It hurts to watch you long for him
But you'll never know
I want to kiss the skin on your neck
But my fear, it shows
I wish for once shed learn to treat you with respect
But that's just a wish, I know
You're my friend, his girl and your necessity
My jealousy shows
He's my rival, my hurdle, my enemy
But you'll never know
For you I'd pay in blood and sweat
The guilt starts to grow
My jealousy I'll always regret
But you'll never know
When I go to sleep at night
My dreams will show
That I only wish for you to hold me tight
I wish you could know

How the Jews got the Ten Commandments

some may be familiar with this one =):

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?'

God said, 'For example ........... Thou shall not kill.'

The Arabs were shocked, 'What? Not kill? No way! Killing innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence. No, we are not interested.'

So God went to the Africans and said, 'I have Commandments. '

The Africans wanted an example.

God said, 'For example .. Honour thy Father and Mother.'

The Africans were dismayed. They said, 'Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan!'

So God went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments. '

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said, 'For example .. Thou shall not steal.'

The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, 'No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no!'

So God went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments. '

The French wanted an example.

God said, 'For example ......... Thou shall not commit adultery.'

The French were stunned. They said, 'What? Not commit ze adultery ........ ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez vous. We, ze French, must have ze romance.'

So God went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.. '

The Jews asked, 'Commandments? How much do they cost?'

God replied, 'Nothing. They are free.'

The Jews answered, 'Good. We'll take Ten!'

II Mozilla 27:14-22

II. MOZILLA
CAPUT XXVII
14 And the Lizard spake, saying, Windows shall I support, and Macintosh, and the divers flavours of Unix; yea, even unto the latest effluvium from the Gates of Hell shall I spread my seed: this it pleaseth me to do.
15 But OS/2 shall I ignore, for in sooth nobody useth it.
16 Then was the land filled with the sound of much wailing and gnashing of teeth, for millions of people used OS/2 and knew that it was good. Yet the Lizard did harden his heart against them, and said, Nay, there is no demand for it.
17 And the Blue One did create an Explorer of the Web, yet updated it slowly, and documented it poorly, and it was filled with a plague of locusts.
18 And those that followed the Lizard became enamoured of Frames, and wrote pages which could not be read by the Lizard's brethren, for the lemmings were lazy, saying only: Verily, thy browser doth suck. Thou may'st obtain the Lizard's hence.
19 Then it came to pass that the Blue One made a pact with the Lizard, that the Lizard should work its artifice for the sake of the Ancient Sorcerer. And a reference to the Lizard's wares was placed atop the Sorcerer's desk, that he might obtain it whenever he desired.
20 But the number of the work the Lizard gave unto the Sorcerer was Two, and the Greek sigil Beta was affixed to the number, yet all the rest of the Lizard's minions were given the number Three.
21 And lo, the Lizard's work was itself filled with locusts, and verily did it consume the Sorcerer's disk space whenever it was used, and it did mightily crash his system full oft.
22 And the Lizard named several of the locusts, and regarding one the Lizard said, The <blink> tag worketh not. Whereupon the users hearing this were sore amazed, and said they one unto another, Verily, that is no bug, but a feature to be highly praised while it lasteth.

Real Programmers Eat PANSIT

P-olymorphism
A-bstraction
N-amespace
S-erialization
I-nheritance
T-hreading

What's in an Acronym?

Normal people have a hard time remembering all those computer industry acronyms. Well, here are some of them, just for kicks:

• CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
• PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
• ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
• SCSI: System Can't See It
• MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
• DOS: Defunct Operating System
• WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
• OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
• PnP: Plug and Pray
• APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
• IBM: I Blame Microsoft
• DEC: Do Expect Cuts
• MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
• CA: Constant Acquisitions
• COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
• LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
• MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
• AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
• WYSIWYG: What You See Is What You Get
  
• WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
• HTML: How To Make Love
  

Tawa Naman Dyan!

THEME SONGS NG MAG ASAWA:

1-10 years: Araw-Araw, Gabi-Gabi
11-20 years: Saan Ka Man Naroroon
21-50 years: Gaano Kadalas ang Minsan
50- above : Maala Ala Mo Kaya

LIFE'S CYCLE:
3 to 8 yrs old: paramihan ng toys
9 to 18: pataasan ng grades
19 to 25: padamihan ng syota
26 to 35: pagandahan ng asawa
36 to 45: palakihan ng income
46 to 55: padamihan, pagandahan at pabataan ng kabit
56 to 70: padamihan ng sakit
71 and above: pabonggahan ng LIBING! hahahaha!

ESSENCE OF SMELL IN LIFE:
Lotion for babies
Cologne for the 20's
Efficacent oil for the 40's
Bawang and Luya for the 60's
Beyond 60's..... FORMALIN NA.

DIFFERENT PRAYERS OF SINGLE WOMEN:
At 15: Lord give me superMAN
At 18: Lord give me a cute MAN
At 20: Lord give me the best MAN
At 30: Lord give me a good MAN
At 40: Lord give me a MAN
At 50: Lord give me sino MAN
At 60: Lord maawa ka naMAN
At 70: Lord kaya ko pa naMAN
At 80: Lord kahit mahipo MAN lang

Diary ni Inday

It was jazz an ordinary day.
The skies were clear, the birds were
chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!
Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang
mamili ng groceries. Timing
naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin,
nagpro-provoke ng movie nya.
Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed
talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako,
nakipila rin ako.
Then suddenly, out of the loo, may
bumulong sa akin
ng: "Indaaaayyyy. ....."
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound.
Who can it be now?
"Dodong!" sigaw ko.
Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the
other fans turned their backs to
their behind at napatingin sa amin.
Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to
be loud and proud." Hinawakan na lang
ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo
kami from the crowd.
"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here
open? tanong nya.
"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just
droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko
eh" sabi ko.
Memories came flushing in my mind. How
can I forget to remember
Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo,
dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex
Cortez. he's every woman's dreamboat.
I was just starting my tour of
duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala
ko si Dodong. Contraction worker
siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat
namin. Naging kami for a while then
after that were not an item anymore.
"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say
we have lunch together?" tanong
ni Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami
ng waiter. "What's your odor
sir?" sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.
"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni
Dodong.
"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop
with a resistance to the teeth of
boast of our chef. Domestic careful
selection of pork with little fat
of female liking is used. The
exquisite cooking which repeated trial
and error and was completed. it also
has healthy vegetables with salad
feeling fully" dagdag niya.
"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa
akin.
Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop.
Pero I'm cutting down on my
carbon kaya pinigilan ko.
"I'll just have water, thanks.
Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong
manood ng sine. Teka teka, this
is going too far. Besides, it's a
long, long way to run.
"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na
ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact,
I'm happily married" pagmamalaki ko.
"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry
pero I didn't expect you still
have more feelings than I expected. i
don't want you getting the way.
Past is fast. Therefore, cause and
defect." dagdag ko pa.
Tumahimik sya. Parang may language
barrel na namagitan sa amin. The
seconds that passed seemed like
fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na
rin sya.
"I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng
taong ito para sigawan ako! To
think it's his other woman that caused
our separation to part.
Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps
all over my body and was having
panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at
nagmadali akong lumakad palayo.
Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey
on my butt. Hanggang sa
makakita ako ng security guard.
Biglang nawala si Dodong.
"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?"
sabi ko sa mamang guard.
"Of course miss, I can help you with
my pleasure." sagot niya.
"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point
me to the right erection? I got lost
in my eyes."
"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn
right anytime with care."
"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.
Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero
saglit lang, I smell something
peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na
namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying
static lang pala kanina ang pag
disappear nya.
"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can
hide, Inday. No matter where you
go, there you are!" pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too
much, I feel degradable. My world
started falling afar.
Then suddenly, Jay come from behind!
Dodong was caught to the act! In
the matter of minute, it's all over.
I'm out of arm's way.
"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did
you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi
niya:
"I was in the neighborhood. Fans din
ako ni Angel eh. I heard you
shout but at first I didn't give it a
thought. Pero nang makita ko
kayong magkahawak ng holding hands,
then i give it a thought. I know
something is a missed."
From then on, Dodong did not brother
me again. In fact, he didn't even
sister me. As in platonic at wala na
talaga.
Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing
pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa
ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at
walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on
cloud.

XOXO,
Inday

Thanks to Keith from DevPinoy

Before and After

A lot of things have changed for me ever since I got into the world of computers, programming, internet and PC games. Some terms that I've previously come to know have taken on whole new and/or extra meanings. Please scroll down a bit. This friggin' blogger software keeps on adding extra line breaks for no apparent reason >.<

Before	After
MVC meant Marvel Vs Capcom	MVC means Model View Controller
Gadget meant a stompbox used by guitar players to add special effects to their guitar sound like a distortion, flange or phaser.	Gadget means any hi-tech consumer electronics device used for entertainment-like iPOD or connectivity-like a bluetooth device. You know what I mean.
Skins meant drums (the skin of a snare, tom or bass drum)	Skins mean a set of pre-designed templates for use on a web site to create a different look and feel without editing the website content itself.
C and C# are musical notes.	C and C# are programming languages.
DSL meant Down Stage Left: towards the front of the stage on the left-hand side as you look at an audience.	DSL means Digital Subscriber Line
String meant the strings of any stringed musical instrument like a violin.	String means an array of characters.
GM meant Grand Master (like chess grand master).	GM means Game Master
Ragnarok is Strider Hiryuu's special move	Ragnarok is an MMORPG released in the Philippines by Level-Up Games.
Mob meant a gang or a group of people engaged in criminal activities.	Mob means Monster Or Beast.

How about you? Care to share yours? =)

Memorable movie lines

Just a collection of my favorite movie lines. It doesn't mean I liked each of the movies though, hehehe.

Full Metal Jacket:
Recruits: [chanting] This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.

The Rock:
John Mason: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

John Mason: I don't quite see how you cherish the memory of the dead by killing another million. And, this is not combat, it's an act of lunacy, General Sir. Personally, I think you're a fucking idiot.

LOTR: Return of the King:
Gimli: Certainty of death, *small* chance of success... What are we waiting for?

Pippin Took: Home is behind, the world ahead... and there are many paths to tread... Through shadow... To the edge of night... Until the stars are all alight... Mist and shadow, cloud and shade... All shall fade... all... shall... fade.

A Few Good Men:
Col. Jessep: Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls need to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and curse the Marines; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Kaffee: I want the truth!
Col. Jessep: [shouts] You can’t handle the truth!

Jerry Maguire:
Laurel: Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry Maguire: I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...
Dorothy: Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello".

Read next quote for the kicker!

The Dark Knight:
BatMan: Then why do you want to kill me?
The Joker: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.

This last one I had to carefully research. It's a bit quite long exchange. I think I watched this movie at least 3 times in high school. LOL!
The Cutting Edge:
Doug: Man, this overnight thing is brutal. Why can't it be a double header, you know? Short program, long program. Same night, boom, we're outta here, you know what I mean?
Kate: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Doug: It's like 'Enough already!' It's like... what's the word? Uh, y-you know what word I'm looking for? Wh-You know what I mean?
Kate: I don't know, uhhh, expectation?
Doug: No, no, when you, uh...
Kate: Anticipation? Excitement?
Doug: Foreplay!
Kate: Foreplay?
Doug: Yeah, you know, like foreplay.
Kate: Yeah, I know what it means.
Doug: Well, wouldn't you rather just get right to it?
Kate: What?
Doug: Skating. Long program.

That's all the stuff I tried to remember. Still lots of quotes out there I wanted to add but I just don't have enough time to research them. :)

What it "really" means

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words of our theme song, the address of the first girl I kissed, the plate number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."

You think your job's bad ?

You Think Your Job's Bad?

Try one of these on for size!

-Nuclear Warhead Sensitivity Technician

-Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist

-Rotten Sardine Taste Detector

-Assistant To The Boss's Nephew <-*WINNER!*

-Shark Baiter

-Hurricane Photographer

-Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl Nuclear Facility

-Prison Glee Club President

-Road Kill Removal Crew

You Know You're Out of College When...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
7. 8:00a.m. is not early.
8. You have to file for your own taxes.
9. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
10. You carry an umbrella.
11. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
12. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
13. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
14. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
15. You start watching the weather channel.
16. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
17. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
18. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
19. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
20. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
21. You refer to college students as kids.
22. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

jajajaja!

HELL... AS EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, during my Freshman year, that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A